Hey Friend!
How’s it going? I am TIRED today but it’s more emotionally than physically.
It’s the kind of tired when you’re dealing with the same thing in different ways but it either doesn’t seem to get better or the progress is so small, it doesn’t look like anything has changed.
But I push forward regardless.
Work is fairly meh at the moment. Ofsted is looming and it just makes people jittery which I find very annoying.
Teachers, I’m sure, can argue the point that they have reason to be nervous – and I’m happy to hear you’re reasoning. I, however, don’t see what people have to be nervous about if they’re doing what they’re supposed to.
So what do I mean by that? I mean simply that things shouldn’t have to change just because the inspectors are in. If you weren’t worried about the display hanging off the wall all year, then you shouldn’t be worried about it now. If you were being inconsistent with consequences to poorly behaved children, it shouldn’t change now. If the senior team didn’t respond when needed before, they shouldn’t bother now (Yeah, I said it).
Otherwise, all Ofsted get is a performance, a show for two whole days with normal service resuming after they’ve left.
Anyway. Let me move on.
Older Miss (OM) went back to university last week and both Little Miss (LM) and Little Dude (LD) were a bit upset about it.
I’ve comforted them and reminded them that she will pop home for the odd weekend and then she’ll be back in December for Christmas and most of January.
This is probably adding to my emotional fatigue – making sure everyone else is okay when I’m also missing OM.
Thankfully, OM has arranged times in the week when she will call her siblings so they have their own separate times to catch up.
But I do understand how LM and LD are feeling. My brothers left, one by one and the house became – quiet.
That first Christmas with just me, the youngest of my brothers and my Mum felt really sad to me. The food was the same, we pulled crackers and put on our hats but – so quiet.
Your siblings are your allies for life so, when they’re not there in front of you, it takes some getting used to.
As a mum, OM going to uni is different for me.
When OM was around two or three years old, I read something along the lines of: ‘everything we do as parents is to enable them [our children] to leave us.’
It made perfect sense to me then and it still does today.
It’s how things are supposed to be.
Obviously, leaving doesn’t mean not hearing from your children again! It just means a change of dynamic, allowing them to make decisions for themselves (even if it’s a poor one) and deal with whatever the outcome is. It’s trusting that as they live out their lives and adventures, they will still include that original core family.
I’ve no doubt that my three will be like me and my brothers when they are older and still enjoy hanging out together, laughing at things I’ve said to them over the years or confessing to something they got away with…
The sadness will pass but for now, we will learn how to manage it.
And I for one need to allow myself to rest and not try to carry every thing for every one.
I’m off to sort out my lunch for tomorrow (homemade fishcakes and veg!).
Speak soon x
