The Nut Cracker

Hey Friend!

How are you? What’s new?

I’m well now, but the start of the week was a different matter.

I don’t subscribe to the Monday Blues but I have to admit, I was definitely feeling a bit… meh at the start of the week. Which, of course, just made the day longer and harder, like trudging through sludge. After an early night the week felt less swampy and more green fields. The sun’s been out at least so, there is (quite literally) a bright side.

I blame a lot of my tiredness this week on Older Miss who kept me up late one night telling me a story that I’d never heard before. A story that left me stunned.

And crying with laughter!

Imagine the scene:

Boys on one side of the playground, gathered under the shed; the girls on the other side by the big blue gate. The girls glance at each other, imperceptible nods exchanged before a few break away to play. One group plays tag, another group plays handball, another sits talking – all while giving surreptitious looks toward the boys.

The leader – The Don – stands at the front, his chubby cheeks and cute face masking his sinister nature. He rubs his hands together and nods to his left, then his right. Teams of boys disperse all over the playground.

Screams can be heard as the boys terrorise the girls, snatching balls, pulling hair, mocking their conversations. The girls regroup, huddled together once more by the gate.

The Don nods and smiles, his minions returning to their stations.

The reign of terror continued until one day, The Don decided OM was his next target.

‘How many fingers am I holding up, four eyes?’ He waved his hand in her face.

‘Leave me alone.’

‘Or what?’ He laughed, his henchmen laughing too.

A mix of anger, indignation and justice flooded OM. She raised her foot swiftly and kicked him… in the nuts!

The Don doubled over and cried out in pain, staggering away. His boys looked at each other and ran after him. He returned a few minutes later with a slightly larger entourage – four boys instead of two.

‘You better not do that again,’ he said, eyes burning with anger.

‘Or what?’

‘Or else!’

OM stepped forward quickly and this time kneed him in his nether regions. The Don scurried away in agony, his partners in crime following.

The next day, OM was approached by one of the henchmen.

‘You know, it’s really not nice to kick people in the nuts. It really hurts! You better stop doing it.’

OM shrugged and kicked him in the nuts too.

From then on, OM was Queen of the Playground. The girls would rush to her side, asking her to wield her special brand of justice on those boys brave enough to attempt to terrorise. Those same boys would see her coming and run away as fast as they could.

For the best part of a week, OM enjoyed the power and authority she’d gained. She’d stroll through the playground towards groups of boys who would immediately disperse. She pushed in the lunch queue – the girls were in awe and the were boys cowering so no one said a word.

Now, this story is perhaps a little easier to take if you know that OM was an innocent six-year-old (yes, I know innocent with all the nut-kicking doesn’t go together, but stay with me). Little Dude wasn’t born yet and no one had ever explained that it was a sensitive area of the male anatomy. She thought they were just being babies and didn’t understand why they were making such a fuss about it.

By the end of the week, the boys had had enough. They sought help from a boy in Year 3 who, OM says, was almost twice her height.

‘Stop kicking boys in the nuts,’ he growled.

OM sized him up. He was too tall for her to kick but maybe she could punch him there instead…?

‘Don’t even think about it,’ he said, reading her mind.

OM had the good sense to stay quiet.

‘If you do it again, I’m going to tell on you.’

OM played out the scenarios in her head. The first being to hit him in the nuts anyway, but she figured that would end badly for her with him being such a giant. She assumed he’d pick her up with one hand and throw her to the other end of the playground…

The other scenario was continuing to kick the boys and have him tell on her. That would mean I would have found out, and, as sweet and lovely as she was (and still is), OM knew that twenty or so eye-witnesses/victims speaking against her would give her no choice but to own up.

‘Fine,’ she conceded, ‘I won’t do it anymore.’

The giant nodded and walked away. The Don, who had been hiding behind him, locked eyes with OM. They gave each other a respectful nod before parting ways.

The weekend came and went and by the time Monday arrived, it was as if the events of the previous week hadn’t happened. Boys and girls played harmoniously together, the sun shone, grey skies were banished.

All was right in the world once more.

I’m still stunned that in that whole week of asking OM about her day, she never once mentioned any of this!

While I’m glad that OM didn’t allow herself to be bullied I’m even happier that the Nut Cracker has retired!

Have a great week!

Speak soon xx