Hey there!
How’s it going?
It’s been a tough week! It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve been fighting the feeling of being a failure.
Yep.
And this after such positivity last week!
I’m currently unemployed. I’ve applied for a lot of jobs. A lot.
I think even the most confident person in the world would start to find some chinks in their armour after the amount of rejections I’ve had. Being out of work effects so much – not least a lack of funds for essentials. Having to tell my children no to the things they want is easy because they likely weren’t going to get it anyway (new phone? Let’s not be silly now). But having to tell them no to things they need – well, that just breaks my heart a little bit each day.
At one point this week, I was sat on my bedroom floor staring at my laptop, weary, drained and on the verge of tears. I’m applying for everything and anything at the moment. All things that I can do and yet – ‘we regret to inform you…’ But there is the assumption from certain people that I’m just not doing enough, that I’m not trying and that is a crushing on top of a crushing that I just don’t need.
In enters Bubs. He put his arm around me and asked ‘What’s wrong, Mummy?’
Now, I could have told him any number of things then, but I couldn’t tell him his Mum felt like she was failing in that moment – failing him and his sisters, failing at life (sorry, I’m laying it on thick, I know, but life is the highs and the lows, right?). But I didn’t think that was the best thing to say. Instead I told him: ‘I just need to find some work, Bubs’.
Do you know what my beautiful, wise boy, with his whole six years of wisdom told me?
‘Mummy! You can’t put so much pressure on yourself! You need to get the stress out!’
He made me step away from my laptop and ‘do something fun with me!’ 😊 So, we read a funny story and he told me a joke which made no sense but made me laugh.
I felt lighter.
In the days that followed, I spoke to a friend who prayed with me and encouraged me to keep going. I went to church, caught up with another friend, spent time with my mum and my children and it feels like I’ve had a re-set.
It is hard now, but it won’t always be.
Get the stress out people! 😊
Speak soon xx
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